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Saturday, February 25, 2006

Rube Goldberg, Heath Robinson and Honda

There is a long-standing argument between Yanks and Brits as to whether Reuben Lucius Goldberg (Rube Goldberg, 1883-1970) or William Heath Robinson (Heath Robinson, 1872-1944) was the originator of the ridiculous mechanisms that now bear each of their names on opposite sides of The Pond. It's possible that both men, and several other artists as well, independently conceived the concept of "unnecessary complexity" as a reaction to the technological tidal wave of the 1890s when machines took over the world. I just try to remember to say "It's a Rube Goldberg" when I'm in the States and "It's a Heath Robinson" when I'm in England.

These devices are compelling in their operation, not in their purpose which is always ludicrous. There are several annual competitions: the official and the Purdue University among them, which inspire inventors all over to come up with the least efficient ways of accomplishing a mundane task. The rules almost always require a minimum of 20 steps to do something that could normally be done in one; last year's winners at Purdue built a machine that required 125 steps to replace the batteries in a flashlight. The more steps the merrier and if they involve a parrot, a mousetrap, an eggbeater and an umbrella, that's typical.

I use the term "Goldberg-Robinson" to describe two theatrical phenomena. The first involves the plots/premises of the plays themselves which tend toward situation comedy in most cases: someone doing something simple is confounded by complications. If you are a theatre critic, you have an easy job: most plays are built around simple problems as viewed through the mind of, let's say, Cosmo Kramer of "Seinfeld." Take the play I'm in now, Frederick Knott's "Wait Until Dark." What are the most inefficient ways to get a man to give you back a doll or for a blind woman to call the police? No, asking him for it and dialing the police station are not among the options: you need to stretch that situation out to two hours involving three crooks, three murders, smashing all the lightbulbs in an apartment building, ammonia, lots of gasoline, a safe, several knives and a refrigerator. Goldberg and Robinson would be proud.

The second phenomenon usually occurs as a result of something I call "Midnight Engineering" when a gag just isn't working and the curtain goes up tomorrow night. This is when we live-theatre special-effects artists earn our money. In the motion-picture industry, the cameras stop rolling and money gets thrown at the problem until a team of engineers comes up with an answer. (Note: there is no such thing as the answer in special effects.) But in live theatre, the answer usually requires us to stay up late and rummage through the shop, garage and house at two o'clock in the morning looking for anything that might become part of what might make something look like what the director wants the audience to see. That's why "Geraldine," the ivory figurine concealing a stiletto in this show, consists of a plastic-cast doll sawed in half, a spring, a clothespin, a plastic gag knife blade, the hose adapter from a kitchen-faucet sprayer, nuts, bolts and lots of superglue. From the back it looks ridiculous. From the front, it actually caused several audience members to jump out of their seats and audible and soul-satisfying gasps.

The "Goldberg-Robinson" inventions were all about implementation with the result being obvious. The special-effect designer's world is all about result with the implementation, no matter how silly, being our little secret.

Now for the greatest Rube Goldberg-Heath Robinson effect ever created, here is an ad for the Honda Accord. You can believe your eyes: nothing here is CGI although many of the parts are gagged. The entire two-minute spot is shot in real-time and everything you see is done with actual Honda Accord parts (they disassembled two of them) and done in one take. There are no computer graphics or digital tricks in the film. Everything you see really happened in real time exactly as you see it. The spot took 606 takes. On the first 605, something, usually minor, didn't work so they had to set the whole thing up again. The sequence cost six million dollars and took three months to complete including engineering. What I love the most is that it's live theatre!

Monday, February 20, 2006

Oh NO! Radio Shack to close 700 stores!

Now where the hell am I going to find cheap electronic parts at five-minutes notice? Radio Shack has figured into over half of everything I've built! Read the bad news here.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Cigarettes on stage

While today's playwrights tend to eschew smoking as a character trait, there still remain thousands of period pieces in which "He lights a cigarette" appears as a stage direction. Directors can skate around this in many instances: when I directed Mister Roberts I had Doc delay his approach to the captain's cabin by unwrapping a stick of gum and offering some to the crew instead of lighting a cigarette. It was an easily reworked bit of business. Some plays, however, such as the one I'm in now, Frederick Knott's Wait Until Dark, were written with cigarettes as integral devices to the plot. The heroine is blind and relies on her other senses, such as smell. A burning cigarette is a key plot point and also serves as a device to introduce matches into the action so that fire becomes a threat in the last act. Of the six characters, three are required to smoke. Natch, those three actors are all non-smokers or reformed smokers! Not only that but the theatre is located in a college building which is marked as "Smoke-Free." What to do?

There are several solutions from the simple to the technically complex. Our director dodged the issue with a few packs of Bravo Cigarettes. Bravo is a nicotine-free cigarette made from lettuce leaves that looks like a cigarette, burns like a cigarette, tastes like sour owl shit and gives absolutely no satisfaction whatsoever. The director was happy that he could post signs in the lobby that there was no danger of second-hand smoke during the performance because, well, the only thing you get from smoking lettuce is a sudden craving for tomatoes, croutons and dressing.

If actual smoke and fire are not critical to the plot, there are many other solutions. There is a "gag" cigarette available at party stores that consists of a cardboard tube filled with talcum powder and a red-foil tip. The actor blows into the cigarette instead of puffs (which looks unnatural) and a puff of powder comes out the end. I do not recommend these; they look as fake as they are and leave a mess on costumes.

A reasonable facsimile can be built using a triple-A (AAA) battery and a small electrolytic capacitor in parallel with a 1/8 watt resistor and coupled to an LED covered with ash, all wrapped in a paper tube with a microswitch at the filter end. This device will actually brighten slowly when the switch is depressed then dim gradually, giving the impression of an actual cigarette. It still looks fake because there is no smoke coming from the actor's mouth but if the actor is in motion it works quite well. If the actor is sitting, thinking (let's imagine Sherlock Holmes's cavendish pipe) then a plastic capillary tube connected to a mini-fogger could be the answer.

Now that lighting up is out, we need creative ways to work this gag.

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