CAMELOT Theatrical Special Effects

Just got back from auditions for "Chicago" which is one of my favorite shows. My wife, who is ten years younger than I and was already hired as Vocal Director (a paid job) also auditioned for the role of Mama Morton. Now, Lauren has played "mama" roles for a long time. She's been "Mama Rose" in "Gypsy," Mother Superior in "Nunsense," the mother in "Fiddler on the Roof," the mother in "Take Me Along," Queen Agravain in "Once Upon a Mattress" and numerous other mother roles even though she's in her early 50's now. I was so proud of her at auditions tonight when she stood up among 40 other women and belted that song. I looked around the theater and all of the other women who had Mama Morton in their minds just said "Oh, shit!" She owned that role and took it.

Now, I can sing and act but I'm 64 years old. I wanted the role of Amos Hart but understood that Roxie Hart is the sexy young star of the show. In the movie she was played by Renee Zellweger and even in the non-musical version of "Chicago" called "Roxie Hart" (1942) she was played by a still-sexy Ginger Rogers, 32 years old and Amos was 42. So when I walked into auditions tonight and saw that all of the Roxies were in their early 20's, well, hell... what was I thinking? The only way I could play a husband of 64 to a lady in her early 20's was as some kind of "sugar daddy to trophy wife" or Hugh Hefner sort of time-warp. So I didn't get the part. I knew I wouldn't.

Parts for 64-year-olds are few. Don't even say "On Golden Pond" to me because that's been done to death everywhere simply to provide "fogey roles." Other shows for "baby boomers?" Haha... there aren't any even though we comprise the lion's share of the season-ticket-buying audience. What's the problem with playwrights? Don't they understand demographics? Or is it just that, like me, we'd rather see young ladies in scanty costumes and dream about the "good old days" than actually play the grandmas and grandpas that we've become? Screw this old age shit... I need a script where an irrascible old coot becomes a young man again and not by swapping actors but through makeup and hair. You can't do that in community theater... that's big-budget stuff and serious special effects.

posted by C. J. # 11:57 PM