CAMELOT Theatrical Special Effects

Okay, I read Cormac McCarthy's "No Country for Old Men." Then I watched Conan O'Brien's sendup of the coin-toss scene (which I can't link you to because the network demanded it be removed from YouTube. It was hilarious; be faster on the trigger, friendo.) Finally, I went to see the movie and, despite warnings from the New York Times's Dennis Lim, I bought the big bucket of popcorn but was careful not to chew during the quiet scenes. Which were all of them as there was no score. If you like the sounds of wind blowing, coffee perking, gunshots and car crashes and are also blind then this is the movie for you.

(SPOILERS AHEAD SO DON'T BOTHER READING ON IF YOU WANT TO BE SURPRISED. ON THE OTHER HAND, THERE ARE NO SURPRISES SO DON'T BOTHER SEEING THE MOVIE. READ THE GODDAMNED BOOK EXCEPT FOR THE LAST 60 PAGES.)

Cormac McCarthy has created this character, Anton Chigurh, who is sort of what The Terminator would be if The Terminator was human instead of a robot. While Schwartzenegger rebuilds his eyeball in the motel room, McCarthy's Chigurh rebuilds his entire body using veterinary supplies and drugs he steals from a drugstore whose name is an inside joke; it's the name of a drugstore where the Coen brothers used to hang out when they were kids. Haha. Anyway, Chigurh is the McGyver of bad guys. He's hip to weaponry, physiology, pharmacology, electronics, psychology, mechanics and all kinds of arcane shit... in the book. Problem is, that book was supposedly 600 pages when it hit the publisher's office and was pruned to 309 pages. That was then pruned to about 180 pages by the Coens, leaving everyone who had read the book to wonder what the hell was going on. Who is this guy? Where did he come from? What does he do? How does he know all this stuff? The Coens stripped everything cool from the Chigurh character leaving him as just a badass with a bad hairdo. As Javier Bardem said: "Great. Now I won't get laid for six months." I was bummed as I listened to people in the theater whispering "How did he know that?!!!" Thanks for nothing, Joel and Ethan. At least in Fargo we knew exactly what was going on. In this movie we haven't a clue. Maybe that's the point. Chigurh is superhuman and just keeps coming. There's nothing new about that; it's been done hundreds of times in the movies. It wasn't until Batman Begins that the question "Where did Bruce Wayne get all that cool shit?" was answered. In No Country For Old Men, nothing gets answered.

In the movie, we see Chigurh limping off down the block. In the book he actually reappears and cuts a deal with a wealthy criminal mastermind. Aha! you say. Sequel coming! Well, maybe but doubtful. After the movie you say: "Aha! I don't care what the PreFlix slide said about picking up your trash. The Coens left me high and dry and I'm leaving my Mr. Pibb and popcorn bag on the floor." We must suffer for our art.

posted by C. J. # 9:30 PM