CAMELOT Theatrical Special Effects

Steven Wright (the comedian, not Orville's other brother) said: I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they get in the car I say, "Put on your seat belt. I want to try something. I saw it once in a cartoon, but I think I can do it."

Now that real special effects are almost unheard-of in the movies, we have to expect that any special effects we see are computer-generated cartoons. Soon we won't even need actors: we can have Humphrey Bogart, Marilyn Monroe, Gollum and Jar-Jar Binks all on the screen at the same time. Won't that be swell? Of course not. Now you know why I hate CGI.

So here comes the war of The Wars of the Worlds, a summer shootout between Pendragon and Paramount (Tim Hines vs. Steven Spielberg) to see whose remake of WOTW can WOW the audiences the most. Hines's movie is based closely on the H. G. Wells novel and set in 1898 in England with period costumes and British actors. Spielberg's movie is based on a screenplay by David Koepp, set in 2005 in New Jersey with modern costumes and American actors (Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning.) Both movies are guaranteed to use CGI for the Martian war machines and yes, this time they will be tripods like they were in the book rather than cheesy flying things like George Pal used in the 1953 version. Never mind that a tripod can't walk: these are CG cartoon-tripods so they can do anything that Wile E. Coyote could do, that is, violate the laws of physics. Did I mention that I hate CGI? I'll just mention it again in case you care.

I personally prefer true-to-the-book period pieces set in England over American adaptations. The British are just so, well, so British!

Here is how real Englishmen in Woking, Surrey, England where H. G. Wells 1898 novel was really set react to a real metal sculpture of a Martian war machine. Looks restful to me. Is that a pub on the corner?

Here is how American actors in New Jersey where H. G. Wells 1898 novel wasn't set pretend to react to a nonexistent "green-screen" image of a Martian war machine. Naw, too frantic. Where's the pub?

posted by C. J. # 11:16 AM